• noun 1) an intense feeling of deep affection. 2) a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. 3) a great interest and pleasure in something. 4) a person or thing that one loves.
And love at first sight? How would that be defined? Can someone love someone or something in an instant? In a single breathe or beat of that warm open heart? Chris always considered love as a feeling of lust, but lust that in time matured with a sense of warmth held in the strong firm hands of life, like a new born baby in the hands of its mother, gently rocked a soft voice singing. Love at first sight for him was never possible; his mind just wouldn’t allow it. That’s why when he looked at Donna he didn’t turn to jelly, feel faint of weak and get all nervous. The feeling when he looked at her wasn’t love at first sight, but lust. He wanted her. Everything about her aroused him, the way she walked, the soft voice that somehow came across as strong, and the words she spoke where of such confidence they make his hair stand on their end’s and a shiver of excitement running down his spine.
It wasn’t long before Donna placed a tray on the table, two big mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream floating in the sweet tasting warmth and the notebook balancing on the edge of the rounded tray. He didn’t take his eyes off her, and she didn’t take her eyes off him, as she pulled out the chair and sat across from him beside the small table. The small table he always sits, in a corner hidden from most eyes. They took a mug each and she passed him the notebook, then placed the large tray (wasn’t really that it was large, but the table was quite small, so small the tray left little space for anything else)
There was a slight silence as they each adjusted themselves in their seats and arranging the mugs and notebook on the table so there was room to lean and rest their hands on.
‘I always wondered what you wrote in this’ she said softly tapping a corner of the well worn notebook. A thought of Oh crap she read it? Ran through his mind, his reaction displayed with the widened eyes and raised brows. Then a second thought quickly followed. My mouth is open isn’t it?
With that thought his mouth closed and his eyes and brows once more relaxed.
‘Your pretty good’ she continued to say, ignoring the reaction, for his benefit. That alone let her know how important this notebook was to him. The writings and drawings that it held weren’t created for fun or boredom or to prove a point, they where things that mattered. They where HIS thoughts his lies, his wishes and dreams. They where him, and this...these writings and drawings, these pages that held all aspects of him, she loved.
‘I like how you write, alot of truth in what is said’
‘Thanks’
They sipped and waited, each one waiting for the other to talk. It was in this brief silence that a thought occurred.
‘So you knew, it was mine?’ he said with a slight harshness to it.
No, not harshness more of a protective projection in the way he spoke. Like a man shouting NO at a son that was stretching out his finger, ready to touch the orange glow of a cigarette. Her neck straight and her head shot back slightly.
‘Yeah why?’
‘Oh nothing just surprised really’ he replied, his voice back to that relaxed vibe that he always emits. Though in his mind he couldn’t help but scream so why didn’t you give it me?
‘I was going to give it you, but I got carried away with it, I’m sorry’. Her eyes softened and Chris melted. God your sexy.
He picked up the notebook and started flicking through the pages. Each page was comforting to him, smiling has he did.
‘How long have you been writing?’ she said once more placing the mug onto the table, licking the sweet chocolate taste off her lip.
‘In this? Must be three years’
Still flicking through the pages his eyes no longer fixed on hers
‘I started off writing poems, just found it relaxing’
He came across a drawing, it was of a young girl smiling, her hair was lifted, most likely being blown in the wind. She wore a small necklace, her face short and round, her neck long and her shoulders thin. Apart from the smile her face held no other features. Donna took another sip watching him as he drifted off into his memories, just for a second.
‘Who was she?’
He placed the picture back in its place amongst the other doodles.
‘The first girl that gave me that oh so controversial feeling’ he said laughing.
She wasn’t completely sure what he meant, but didn’t want to ask. The idea she head in her head was nice enough.
The notebook returned to the table and Chris took the first sip of his drink. The cream had run down one side of the mug, and the marshmallows now nothing more than a soft cloud of sugar.
‘So you not working now?’ he said to her taking another sip, trying to catch up with her.
‘No, finished at five, i just stayed behind for a quick drink with a friend’
‘Oh, male friend?’ a cheeky smile appeared
‘No, my brothers girlfriend’
‘Oh so you have a brother?’
She raised her hand and showed off three of her small soft fingers.
‘Yourself?’
‘Nope’ he replied, ‘Just me ’
She didn’t ask but she didn’t need to, her eyes spoke the words for her.
‘My dad died a few years ago ’
‘My dad is the one that looks after us all, he’s a great guy but could never get used to cooking’
‘Ah well, as long as you have a microwave it’s all good’ he said laughing
‘Wow , you and my dad think alike’ laughing along with Chris.
He had caught up to her with taking another sip of his drink.
The door suddenly slammed, making the walls shake and the bell ring wildly. A man stood there wiping the rain off his face. The wind had picked up and the rain was hammering against the windows.
He made his way to the counter; a conversation about the weather seemed to take up most of his time there. Then when all that could be said was said, he ordered, paid and went to the table across from Chris and Donna.
‘Jesus Christ it’s pissing it down out there’ The man said to Donna. He was a regular, every Monday night without fail. She never knew his name, but didn’t really need to; it wasn’t him she was interested in.
‘Meant to be like this for awhile’ she said
‘Yup’ he replied nodding and when all that could be said was said on the matter of the weather, which had pretty much just been said, he turned to the table and in front of him and continued to wipe away the rain that poured from his hair to his eyes.
The Cafe was packed, the chatter of people from the tables drowned out the soft jazz music that played from a jukebox.
‘What about your mother?’ Donna asked
‘Sorry?’
‘You said it’s just you’
‘Oh, my mother left us about five years ago’
Donna could see it wasn’t really something he wanted to discuss so asked no more on the matter
Donna was always and will no doubt always be a romantic. To her, the feelings she had towards Chris, this young man she had seen sitting at his table writing away in his little leather notebook, sipping his hot chocolate or reading from a book, keeping it close to him so no one could steal it away from him and make his soft mind and thoughts return to the bitter cold reality.
Yes, this young man she has seen for weeks and months had stolen her heart in an instant. The moment she first looked into those crystal eyes of his, smiling at her with his rosy cheeks that bloomed like a perfect rose. That instant, to her was love at first sight.
This conversation now, hearing just a little fragment of his life, and having read the pages and seen the drawings she knew she had it bad for him. This was a scary thought.
‘So what was her name, the girl that you drew?’
‘Kim’ He finished off his drink
‘Met in primary school, and we kinda liked each other, or at least as much as you could when your 12’
He opened the notebook again and flicked through the pages, he stopped when he came across a picture taped to one of the pages. The picture was of the same girl, she was sitting on a bed looking at a piece of paper in her hands. Her face was sad.
‘She was 15 that day’ he gave a uncomfortable cough
‘I was 14, no money and when I found out that she was moving i thought that it would be the perfect gift to give her’
~
‘Chris’ a woman shouted
‘Yeah?’ a young boy of 14 replied
‘It’s time to go’
A second of silence, and then the young boy of 14 started to race down the steps
He wasn’t tall, and was slim. His hair blond and long.
‘What where you doing?’ The woman asked
‘Nothing’ he replied
He threw his jacket on and left the house with the woman.
The girl of 15 who had been the centre of attention today, tired and sad made her way upstairs.
She opened her bedroom door and let loose her hair, made her way to the bed and saw the envelope.
She opened it. She smiled.
The mother of the girl of 15 knocked on the door and walked in camera in hand.
There was a flash ‘One last picture’ the mother said smiling ‘That’s the last one’
The mother paused
‘you ok sweetie? ’
The girl of 15 sitting on the bed, with a sad look on her face said nothing. Then she sighed and smiled turning to the mother.
‘Yeah I’m ok’
‘What’s that?’ the mother asked as she made her way to the bed. The girl showed the mother a small bracelet, a cheap little thing but had a certain charm to it
‘From Chris’ the girl said handing it to her mother, the paper though stayed with her. She wouldn’t show this to her mother, this was the real present.
A small piece of paper with the words written ‘I love you and always will. Chris’
~
She moved the mug from her lips, not tasting any of the now warm chocolate drink.
‘The picture that you drew?’
‘Yeah, I lost the picture years ago, but could remember it’ His smile softly faded.
‘Well I could remember most of it, I forgot how she looked. I just remember her smile’
He closed the notebook and felt Donnas soft hands touch his own. They were softer than he thought they would be, warmer too.
Chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7
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